Leading with Spiritually is Easier than You Think
TL:DR - Figuring out your spiritual path is as simple as paying attention to what’s in front of you. Really.
Many spiritual circles peg the ‘work’ as being somehow separate from day to day life.
Take retreats, religiously oriented or just generally ‘spiritual.’ The focus is study of a text, meditation, prayer, chanting, ‘spiritual’ creative expression or some combination thereof. You dig in, undistracted, unaffiliated, finally able to fully practice and embody a spiritual way of living. A spiritual way of living is rarified, of course, only for the select few. You wouldn’t understand, you know, if you’ve never been in it. You know? Like, you have to have been IN it.
When you get back home… eh. You’re not in it anymore. hum ho
Time to book your next retreat, I guess, if you want to keep up ‘the work’.
In my experience, the better retreats pay some lip service to the fact that these are ‘mountain top experiences’ but that we need to carry that energy into the day to day ‘valleys’ of our lives. But, Monday morning comes, as it does, and there’s that snooze button, so, eh. Tomorrow looks better in the spiritual living forecast.
Meanwhile, even those practices available in our own humble homes pull us out of our lives, on purpose — how many guided meditations begin “make sure you won’t be interrupted”. Visualizations often encourage seeing scenarios fully removed from the daily grind because the aspiration is to be out of that context in the physical at some point. Ecstatic dance isn’t something done with heavy metal and an air guitar in the basement, you know? (it can be) Of course spiritual creativity isn’t just crayon scribbles with the kids at the kitchen table or nail art in the bathroom. (why not?)
I’m overgeneralizing, to be sure. These are not bad experiences or tools. Retreats can be wonderfully fulfilling and refreshing if you can swing the money and time. I love a good visualization as much as the next person. And yeah, its tough to meditate deeply while the dogs are barking and the family is asking what’s for dinner and your phone is getting notifications.
‘The Work’
This idea that the ‘work’ is ‘out there’ is flawed.
But what is the ‘work’?
This word gets tossed around and I’m not sure we know what we mean when we say it. When I say ‘the work’ I mean connecting the body and mind with the spirit.
Clearing out (or at least identifying) the proverbial psycho-emotional clutter in order to gain a clearer and more flexible perspective so that we can be intentional and nimble in our actions and responses in all domains of life, for the benefit of the self AND all living beings.
Some folks say ‘healing’ or ‘practice’ or ‘therapy’ rather than ‘the work’. Whatever. Some people don’t call it anything at all, and who are we to judge.
At any rate, this sort of work isn’t something out there. It’s nothing more or less than how we engage with the gritty details of the day to day. Focusing on the tools, or the illusive ‘future self’, or in any way trying to convince yourself that the ‘spiritual’ work is somehow separate from whatever’s in front of you right now is false.
Good, bad, pretty, ugly, or whatever nuanced combination thereof. Highly convenient, really.
Interlude:
This conversation gets complicated quick. There are intense implications of what I’m saying that I quite frankly do not know how to make sense of. The most obvious being that, if you follow the argument through to its conclusion, folks deserve hardship they experience.
Let me be clear: No one deserves hardship.
And, life is often hard, in myriad ways.
It’s an absurd (callous) thing to say that the spiritual work is what’s in front of you when what’s in front of you is being harmed by another, or not having enough to eat, or having your home reduced to ash, or watching a loved one suffer from a terminal illness, or suffering from a chronic or terminal illness yourself, or any other horrific experience.
I hate it, having been through a few of these kinds of things myself.
Don’t want any of it for anyone, and it doesn’t make sense to me in the slightest.
Inasmuch as it may be intellectual cowardice, I do think both are true. I don’t know how to reconcile that in a meaningful way. And so, again to be clear, the focus of my thoughts are not on the extremes for this topic: I’m talking suburbs, not war zones.
I’m not sure how to wrap this up, because we could go around and around about the horrors to be found all over the world, in all sorts of settings. I’m not trying to put a glossy spiritual sheen on it, or try to convince anyone going through hell that they’re blessed to be doing so, because, iTs SpiRiTuaL!
I guess the point I’m (clumsily) getting to is that crappy stuff happening is always crappy, and, ultimately, whatever the context of our lives, we have to decide what we’re going to make of it as it’s happening, and after the fact.
The Work is Here, Now
We’re each of us set in the life that’s needed for our soul’s progression. Our souls come here with an agenda, things we’re meant to learn, do. That learning, that doing, most likely isn’t at a retreat center in Bali, or at an ashram in India, or even a temple or church down the street.
It’s here. Now.
That doesn’t mean scrap your grand designs for transformation, or delete all of your bookmarks for your Bali retreat one day hopefully soon. I hear it’s beautiful and the food is great… Send me pictures when you go!
It does mean its important to get clear on and make peace with the fact that you can’t get to where you want to be without working through — through — where you are. Not distracting yourself away from what’s here and now, but squaring up, looking at it right in its face and saying ‘ok. what of it. I can get through this. I will get through this. And I’ll be damned if I don’t gain something through the process, even if it seems the darkness will never end.’
If your finances are out of order — that’s where your spiritual work is. In the arithmetic of plus and minus, income and expense, debt, interest rates, investment, saving and spending. Discipline to keep to your budget, and courage to talk about money with your spouse and family.
If your relationships are out of whack — that’s where your spiritual work is. In the grit of disagreement and frustration, unmet expectations and broken boundaries, tentative humor and gentle sharing. Courage to show up as you are, complicated and doing your best, meeting the other person as they do the same.
If your work life is abysmal — that’s where your spiritual work is. Finding the grains of 'okayness’ in the grind of the day to day, finessing your resume for finding other work, adjusting your calendar and fine tuning your output, showing up to the networking events you’d probably rather not be at, cheering yourself on for your courage as you explore what’s possible.
If your family feels out of control — that’s where your spiritual work is. Having hard conversations, setting and re-setting house rules and boundaries, getting rid of what isn’t needed to make room for what is, finding fun and routines and building connection and trust.
If your health is not where you’d like it to be — that’s where your spiritual work is. Developing honest and compassionate self reflection and alchemizing that into disciplined practice that supports your well being, body mind and spirit. Getting comfortable with the boring routines of regular balanced meals, bed time, wake time, exercise, drinking water, etc etc etc.
If you’re a people pleaser or control freak — you guessed it! That’s where your spiritual work is. Prioritizing your own needs and strengthening boundaries with a shaky voice, or internalizing that other people are also fully capable, even if they do it differently.
Etc etc etc.
Experiential Learning
All of this is optional, of course. It’s not for everyone, obvi. I’m biased, because through my tough moments, this is how I’ve been able to make sense of what is happening and get through in one piece.
The intense crisis moments are the ones when I’m most grounded spiritually. Those times when my world is absolutely crashing down I’m sort of shocked into myself.
Watching multiple family members whither with cancer with barely a year or two in between. Facing com-pli-cated family dynamics that have made me question my presence in my own home. Scary trips to the ER when life may have changed irrevocably. Looking at the bank account when rent is coming due and the cupboard is getting sparse…
An herb teacher of mine called poison ivy and nettles ‘awareness medicine’ — if you’re not aware in the forest, you’ll get hurt by these plants. Nothing life threatening, but if you’d really rather not be rashy and itchy and stingy well… take the medicine they offer proactively and pay attention.
What happens in these times of crisis is similar. The caution flags and cones and flares are up — this could go badly wrong, so you better pay attention. It’s a quick shock out of the haze of the humdrum day to day in favor of sharp focus of what life is. The difference between what I can and cannot control becomes (too) clear. The power of my being, thoughts, words, actions becomes acutely focused. Courage is stoked up in a new way, and I feel grounded in myself. How am I going to greet what’s knocking in this moment?
During such times (or moments, as the case may be) there isn’t a way out of the emotion. Yes, you can try to distract but it’s too big. Its got claws. There’s no way to outrun it. You’ve got to go through.
This is the spiritual work.
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